New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
