I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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