We're facebook friends in real life
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
