the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
so much tequila, so little girl.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
