im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
