he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize