Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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