I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
