remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
