yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
