Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
