Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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