I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
