I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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