I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
