I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize