I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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