pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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