Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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