The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
