Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
