If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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