so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
