yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
