I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
