Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
