I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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