I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
