College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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