I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
All I want is dick and wine.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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