i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
