My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
