it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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