It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
