I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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