Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
