Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
