He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Let's get the cat blown out
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize