Grow some girl-balls and come out already
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
