i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
