if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
