woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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