beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
