check it out our google latitudes are spooning
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
