Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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