Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
