I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
