everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize