clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
