I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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