she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize