So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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