Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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