Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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