My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
