Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
