If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
