Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
People with herpes should wear stickers.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
