he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
