i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
we're making bets on your personal life
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize