how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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