Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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