im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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