this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
