I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
it's great music for shaving your balls
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
