Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize