i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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