I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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