THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
