Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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