I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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