And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
