i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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