And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
